Feb. 14th, 2017 05:04 pm
glassesg33k: What I look like ... in blue. (Default)

The fear in your eyes
The terror in your gasps
You knew all along
this would not last

glassesg33k: What I look like ... in blue. (Default)


I'm playing Russian Roulette every time I eat. And more often than not the chamber is loaded.
< =-(**!!


Me at my desk 2:11p.m.
Doing paint swatches for my watercolors


Feb. 14th, 2017 04:49 pm
glassesg33k: What I look like ... in blue. (Default)



as the ground
comes up
to meet me

glassesg33k: What I look like ... in blue. (Default)

Death Pains Try 1

This life line is growing short
This corpse is growing cold
There's so much more, projects, ideas, and all I want to do
So many stories I have left untold
But like birth death comes
and like birth I'm having death pains
and it'll come,
Death will come.

I do not mean to leave
I do not mean to cause pain
I do not mean to cause grief/ make everyone grieve

Oh please,
dear sous please
I beg you to accept me,
Small snippets I have uploaded
for they are all of me, my few accomplishments

glassesg33k: What I look like ... in blue. (Default)

Death Pains 1


This life line is growing short
This corpse is growing cold
there's so much more for me to do
So many stories left untold
Like birth death comes
and like birth I'm having death pains
and it'll happen,
death will come.
I do not mean to leave
I do not mean to cause pain
I do not mean to cause anyone to grieve.

Oh please,
Oh dear souls who read this please
I beg for your mercy
Do not turn against me now
Do not turn away, your backs on me
In my hour of need
Please I beg, accept me and these
Small snippets I have uploaded here
for they are my few accomplishments and have cost me dear,

glassesg33k: What I look like ... in blue. (Default)

My kidney's are enlarged
I'm working really hard
to stay alive, despite the pain inside
my back is shot
my guts have gone to rot
from the age of 12, when I used to scream and yell
begging all adults around, for a cure,
but they refused to hear
denied I was even ill
I'm dying now because of my “inadequacies”
my inabilities to pay my doctor bills,
these damn quacks call me a hypochondriac
refuse to look inside, would rather deny
because of my poverty
and yet they still charge me,
for work they have not done,
diagnoses they refuse to render,
healing they do not have,
they are the ones that lack
yet they point the blame at me
for their pompous ignorance, self righteous inadequacies,
why do they expect us patience to bow,
if they want that title and treatment
then they better be worthy of it,
become Omnipotent,
until that day they can even wipe away the saying Dr. heal thyself
they are human, ignorant and therefore fallible,
just as the people they are taking money from
and remember the Hippocratic Oath?
I shall receive no gifts nor payments for my services rendered?
I do this in service to others?
And I work another job for my pay,
to keep myself alive and continue to strive to cure all that are in need of my services
This was the first thing to be thrown away/out the window
but this poem has gone astray,
I did not mean for it to go this way.

Untitled 2

Feb. 3rd, 2017 04:21 pm
glassesg33k: What I look like ... in blue. (Default)

This one was posted in parts, it has not been posted as one WHOLE Poem yet so I decided to do such.


I've been hurt beyond belief
and I do not dare speak
But I have a lot to say
So I'll get it out this way

I am a silent soul,
Crying out my pain
Shivering in the darkness from yesterday,
Frigid it terrorizes my soul,
Haunts me with it's call
So I dare not show my countenance at all

Darkness I have been down
And now that I've seen the light
I'm trying not to scream
In hopes of keeping myself from drowning

Suffocation this solitude
Keeping myself safe from being unaccepted

terror it does rule me cruel as a king,
yet as safe as the softness
of depressions embrace
protecting me from everything

I wanted to make this perfect
I wanted to say it all
but life rearing its ugly head
I've had a poem in my head
bits and pieces popping up
but I did not record them

glassesg33k: What I look like ... in blue. (Default)

I may be neurological disease
but that doesn't mean I don't know what's going on around me.

Step outside the bubble
wish that there were cures for my ills
instead of doctors lies and pills

go get so high
no mater how far you trip it'll never give you
a perspective like mine

glassesg33k: What I look like ... in blue. (Default)

The strongest ones are those who walk on (alone).


If their lucky to continue on, beside/with their spouse, or friend, or whomever their significant other.

Fri. 12/5/2014



I LIVED this/through this.
So what's wrong with recording/speaking telling the world this.




Shoddy Poetry but it's mine =-D!
I used to be known as SoulEnigma
                                     this is true
I used to be known as
                                                    this is true too
of all the incarnations I have been through



glassesg33k: What I look like ... in blue. (Default)

I'm not a writer
I don't report to be
I just have some stories inside of me
that I need to get out
and I want you all to read
and hope you can understand me.


glassesg33k: What I look like ... in blue. (Default)

(I think I got at least part of this idea from a fan fic of some kind. Not sure now. It was in my notes though and so I decided to post it here, hope it helps and you all like. =-) And if anyone knows of the person who thought of this also let me know. Thanks! =-D! *waves!* =-D! )


Maybe only because it needed to be said once, to make it coalesce and take concrete shape, as things do when forced to translate unformed emotional reactions into spoken words.

glassesg33k: What I look like ... in blue. (Default)

Don't check out with out a shout
Don't leave everyone with their jaw dropped
wondering why.
Why did you turn the lights out.
So speak out, shout, let everyone know
Why and how, when you intend to go
So that we can deal with it
while you're still alive my friend.
Say your goodbyes,
while you still have your mind,
and give us the chance to mend, what we can,
while you're still coherent enough to understand.
So please hear my pleas to everyone that sees, this video now
Don't check out with out a shout
Say something before you're final bow,
it'll save us survivors, the leftovers,
the rubble charred to dust
the cause, the reason, the why,
some sort of soothing in the waking of the dawn,
when we had to wake up and realize,
you were gone.

Thank You

Tues. 9/1/2015 


glassesg33k: What I look like ... in blue. (Default)

What will I leave behind
What will I be able to get done in the time I have left
Will I be able to leave a mark on and in this world?
And will it be the happy, helpful one, the truthful one that everyone listens to that I want it to be?
Or will everyone seethe and disagree?
This is my shout out, before I check out.
This is me.

glassesg33k: What I look like ... in blue. (Default)

This had to do with some YouTube Videos I wanted to make which I'll never have the chance to do now. =-( I figured I'd go ahead and post this anyway, since it was in my poetry book.

I'm a very private and terminally shy person.
I take my privacy very seriously.
I don't want to be bothered or watched really.
I've been very sick for a long time now.
And thankfully it's gone in waves as I call it, where I'm sick for a while then well for a while.As if late my periods of being well have been what I call sickly. 
I'm no longer truly restored, much less feeling good during the periods of being “healthy” so to speak.
And it's once again looking like I'm going down hill and I hopefully am not, I might be getting the call that my table is ready, so to speak. But I realized something, I realized that if I don't do this, make these videos, before I pass away then I'll die unsatisfied.
I finally had to face this, that I HAVE to do this.
So I'm making videos about all the stuff that I need to say, that's important to me. I just hope no one watches these. It'll save me from a ruined life and a whole lotta heartache.



Feb. 2nd, 2017 06:05 pm
glassesg33k: What I look like ... in blue. (Default)

Though I may revisit what I say
I'll post it anyway for each time I restate
Any item from my brain
gives even just a bit
of more info pushing the boundary of my knowledge, opening up the edge that much more.

Death Pains

Feb. 2nd, 2017 06:01 pm
glassesg33k: What I look like ... in blue. (Default)

I'm feeling so dead
Life sucked outta me again,
                   (this lifeline is growing short
                    this corpse is growing cold)
ghost, Ethereal, I'm becoming
Have no strength to clench my fists
grab onto the tendrils, the wisps,
                   (there's so much more to finish)
Is this the afterlife?
Or are these tears in my eyes?
What will everyone say if I suddenly pass-away and die?
Will they still be telling their lies?
Say it was all in my mind?
The symptoms I listed a billion times,
Instead of salvation they gave me
to cure my ills,

I do not mean to leave
To cause everyone to grieve
But like birth death comes,
(it's happening now)
and it's giving me death pains,
But as I fade away
I'm going out with the loudest shout,
(exhale, a mere whisper)
In the only way I know how,
through these small snippets,
my few accomplishments,

So please accept these
(which is me)
And be kind in what you speak,

For this is my soul
that you

So double, triple, quadruple think before you comment or say
anything on this page
because I do not want to fade away in dismay

glassesg33k: What I look like ... in blue. (Default)

I don't know what's wrong with me
being so ill,
I don't know how ill I'm going to get
the depths it'll reach,
out the other side of hell
or merely a trifle touch.
I don't know how long it'll last,
what it'll be next
or what will be affected

So I save up my life and vitality,
and let it explode out of me
while I'm well and alive
my body is able to move again.


glassesg33k: What I look like ... in blue. (Default)

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