Feb. 2nd, 2017

glassesg33k: What I look like ... in blue. (Me)
Glasses geek
Silence Speaks
No longer can I keep
It all inside
My lips sewn tight
With all my might


Night has broken
and now I open
To the bright blinding dawn
Speaking the awe I've been in so long


Some in Pictures
Some in Words
All in emotions
Hoping for a cure
glassesg33k: What I look like ... in blue. (Default)

Though I may revisit what I say
I'll post it anyway
For each time I restate
Any item from my brain
it refrains the knowledge that I wish to keep
from being wiped clean like a slate
and each time I reiterate
silent knowledge, locked deep down inside
it pushes the boundaries of my mind
and gives just a bit more info. opening up the edge that much more
helping me explore and learn things I never have known before.

 
glassesg33k: What I look like ... in blue. (Default)

Glasses Geek
Silence Speaks
no longer can I keep
it all inside
my lips sewn tight
with all my might
Night has broken
and now I open
to the bright blinding dawn
speaking the awe I've been in so long
(some in pictures, some in words)

Conceived Fri. 10/23/2015  5:45p.m. Kitchen Table Eating Lunch

glassesg33k: What I look like ... in blue. (Default)

In the cacophony of life
I am but a mere peep.
...
or maybe I'm silence itself,
something entirely unnoticed
and IF ever noticed,
something to be vehemently fought against and wiped out.
...
I feel like that all the time.

10:30a.m. Sat. 5-31-2014 Created

Imagination

Feb. 2nd, 2017 03:04 pm
glassesg33k: What I look like ... in blue. (Default)

Through the power of my mind I'm trying to save my heart and soul
through my imagination I'm fighting, trying, vying, for that which does not exist
trying to paint escape on my existence
I'm losing I know, I'm losing I know
I'm letting go, learning to let go
of all these grains of hopes in my hands, in the palm of my soul
the answer I know, the answer I'm beginning to realize
that no matter how much I sparkle my own eyes, I cannot turn fiction into reality
oh god what calamity this spells for me!

glassesg33k: What I look like ... in blue. (Default)

I've been hurt beyond belief
and I do not dare speak
but I have a lot to say
so I'll get it out this way

glassesg33k: What I look like ... in blue. (Default)

Bullied to silence has been my soul
Crying out my pain
Shivering in the harassment from yesterday,
Frigid it terrorizes my soul,
voices haunt me with their calls
So I dare not show my countenance at all.

Suffocation this solitude
Safe and protective as an embrace
But with darkness so deep I can barely breath
In shame I've been fading
Hiding away

Can't let anyone see me bow down
to physical illness and depression so profound
I can not even shout,
Let the world know I'm about to check out.

So let my silence speak
the volume, depth & breadth of which
has never been seen
pouring out my soul

Silent images dancing across the screen
page painted with
poetic my speech

Summing up (my) existence and eternity
in one word
maybe a few
Drawing them out into lines of words

I've been so (physically) ill
                     (as of late)
I've become ethereal
surpassing my mortal being
and though my body may be collapsing
in increments,
Like losing grains of sand
through the fingers of my hands
My mind is bursting with all I have to say
A mere breath sends it careening in a different –
All directions can't choose
Speak but a mere tip, trifle, from each one,
these are my swan songs
before I swan dive
trying with all my might to get out
a smattering of what's inside.

So through these silent renderings
I speak
Begging please, please, oh please
value and keep these words I paint
for you all this day,
for I have found,
that I can not take,
passing away
with out making these videos
For the world to see what I have to say.

So until I have the social acceptance and boldness to speak
I'll say my words this way.

And hope that you all read and understand
me well enough
to allow me to stay
alive,
on earth
for just
one
more
day.

glassesg33k: What I look like ... in blue. (Default)

I wanted to make this perfect
I wanted to say it all
but with life and everything
What I've managed is so small

glassesg33k: What I look like ... in blue. (Default)

I am silent soul,
crying out my pain,
darkness I have been down
and now that I've seen the light
I'm trying now to scream
In hopes of keeping myself
from drowning.

Suffocation this solitude
keeping myself safe from social society
terror it does rule me
cruel as a king
yet as safe as the soft loving embrace
of depression
protecting me from everything.
=-)

glassesg33k: What I look like ... in blue. (Default)

Through these writings
I hope to survive
I hope to live
I hope to even thrive
You may ask why
I'm doing these vwritings hoping they'll
keep me alive
I'm very ill and it's
taking its toll
on my body and being at times
I'm doing these writings hoping they'll
keep me alive

giving me hope, and joy and light
through the colors and beauty that are drawn and dance
before my eyes.
For in the days I can not get out of bed.
I cling to this art, I'm doing this to get the money

to someday,
get the answers that I have
so dearly prayed.
For my whole life, through all
these tortured, thin thread
nights,
when I've nearly died.
Given up the fight,
and released the life,
with in this now disintegrating corpse,
So I cling to the source, the core
that brings me the breath of joy and light
the colors of art I'm able to make,
dancing before my eyes.
So through these writings
I hope to be kept forever alive
I hope to eventually
thrive.
Through poverty,
through tragedies,
through all these things and needs
inside and surrounding me
I try to save my very beings core
through these hobbies I do hide
and now show you through these videos
I hope that you too can soar,
escape your situations and burdens
and be blessed as I am, or even more
via watching these

Thank You
=-)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 

This vid. Adults ONLY
Written Mon. 1/18/2016
Written on bed, cat on lap < =-)!
just hit me NOW
5:17p.m.

glassesg33k: What I look like ... in blue. (Default)

I don't know what's wrong with me
being so ill,
I don't know how ill I'm going to get
the depths it'll reach,
out the other side of hell
or merely a trifle touch.
I don't know how long it'll last,
what it'll be next
or what will be affected

So I save up my life and vitality,
and let it explode out of me
while I'm well and alive
my body is able to move again.

Death Pains

Feb. 2nd, 2017 06:01 pm
glassesg33k: What I look like ... in blue. (Default)

I'm feeling so dead
Life sucked outta me again,
                   (this lifeline is growing short
                    this corpse is growing cold)
ghost, Ethereal, I'm becoming
immaterial,
Have no strength to clench my fists
grab onto the tendrils, the wisps,
                   (there's so much more to finish)
mist,
Is this the afterlife?
Or are these tears in my eyes?
What will everyone say if I suddenly pass-away and die?
Will they still be telling their lies?
Say it was all in my mind?
The symptoms I listed a billion times,
Instead of salvation they gave me
bills,
to cure my ills,

I do not mean to leave
To cause everyone to grieve
But like birth death comes,
(it's happening now)
and it's giving me death pains,
(listless)
But as I fade away
I'm going out with the loudest shout,
(exhale, a mere whisper)
In the only way I know how,
through these small snippets,
my few accomplishments,

So please accept these
(which is me)
And be kind in what you speak,

For this is my soul
that you
see

So double, triple, quadruple think before you comment or say
anything on this page
because I do not want to fade away in dismay

Forgetful

Feb. 2nd, 2017 06:05 pm
glassesg33k: What I look like ... in blue. (Default)

Though I may revisit what I say
I'll post it anyway for each time I restate
Any item from my brain
gives even just a bit
of more info pushing the boundary of my knowledge, opening up the edge that much more.

glassesg33k: What I look like ... in blue. (Default)

This had to do with some YouTube Videos I wanted to make which I'll never have the chance to do now. =-( I figured I'd go ahead and post this anyway, since it was in my poetry book.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm a very private and terminally shy person.
I take my privacy very seriously.
I don't want to be bothered or watched really.
I've been very sick for a long time now.
And thankfully it's gone in waves as I call it, where I'm sick for a while then well for a while.As if late my periods of being well have been what I call sickly. 
I'm no longer truly restored, much less feeling good during the periods of being “healthy” so to speak.
And it's once again looking like I'm going down hill and I hopefully am not, I might be getting the call that my table is ready, so to speak. But I realized something, I realized that if I don't do this, make these videos, before I pass away then I'll die unsatisfied.
I finally had to face this, that I HAVE to do this.
So I'm making videos about all the stuff that I need to say, that's important to me. I just hope no one watches these. It'll save me from a ruined life and a whole lotta heartache.


 

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